reflectiions 2When a loss hits us, we have not only the particular loss to mourn but also the shattered beliefs and assumptions of what life should be.
These life beliefs must be mourned separately.
Sometimes we must grieve them first. We can’t grieve the loss if we are in the midst of “it’s not suppose to happen this way” …
We intellectually know that bad things happen but to other people – not us, and certainly not in the world we assumed we were living in. Your belief system needs to heal and regroup as much as your soul does. You must start to rebuild a new belief system from the foundation up, one that has room for the realities of life and still offers safety and hope for a different life; a belief system that will ultimately have a beauty of it’s own to be discovered with life and loss.
Think of a lifeless forest in which a small plant pushes its head upward, out of the ruin. In our grief process, we are moving into life from death, without denying the devastation that came before.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, in On Grief and Grieving : Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss