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christmas tree

A Past, the Present and a New Future

Everything is different now – death can do that in your life – I am continuously caught between a past that is filled with my wonderful, precious memories of David, the present that urges me to remain an active participant and a new future, although uncertain stirs within me a sense of hope and curiosity. It is a staggering journey of hope and despair and I’m still trying to figure it all out – still trying to “feel” my way through those moments when everything is colliding. My courage is definitely tested during the holiday season. But our Christmas day was a beautiful mix of old and new.

Choosing to live a full life – after the experience of loss has challenged my feelings of guilt. It’s a strange and odd place – the stage of acceptance, I am learning that it has only gained me the admission of entering into a whole new dimension of my grieving process. Challenged by my memories – challenged “to remember” …

January will be here before I know it – marking the third year of David’s death. We’ve planned a trip, it will be our way as a family to recognize the day, honor him by celebrating life – celebrating the strength of our family. Which indeed is the very essence of his legacy.

I wake up to profound perspective that allows me to celebrate the choices of my moments, of my life. – Mary Anne Radmacher