, ,

 A Husband, A Dad ~ A Brother, An Uncle and A Friend

– “I only want to be remembered as a Man who deeply loved his Wife and his Children and was loved in return.” – January 2012

DadI expected to grow a whole lot “older” with you 30 years was not nearly enough time ~ for all that we had been through together, for all of the struggle, heartache and obstacles that we had overcome – Every day was such an opportunity to thank God for the gift of you in my life. Today, my heart is full of a deeper, more profound sense of gratitude – for your love and grace – your forgiveness. Your commitment to me, to our children – our family and our life together. We were living the calm that we US1 (2)ahad worked so hard to achieve. I remember our last conversations in that month of December, the additional time off from work, I am so grateful that we had that time together. I remember the goals we set for the upcoming year, the promises we made to one another – I was able to work through the loss of my Mother and my heart was healing because of his love and support. Our life was no longer dictated by her illness that had spanned 10 years. Death had taught us an important lesson of how fragile life really was and that neither of us were guaranteed – US1 (2)btomorrow. Purposeful, was how we lived that last year of our lives together acutely aware of what really matters – in the end. We made the moments count – what a blessing. It was really the very best time in the “life of us” and I could not have loved him more.

… you died on a Friday evening in January – I’ve learned to cry in private and I’ve missed you everyday since. We’ll never get over losing you but our kids are amazing and they’re working hard to rebuild their lives. I think I’m finally finding my own way – too. luce kids1

We are a family living with an incredible loss of life – a death of a beloved Father, a Dad – a death that came too soon for each of my children. A death that happened suddenly – unexpectedly. He was so much more then just a title. I am quite certain that they will never get over the loss of the Hero in their life but I can see it every day, their determination to overcome the brokenness – their broken hearts. I love to hear them share their memories with one another – it’s tender and heart warming to witness them encouraging each other. I love to hear them laugh – sharing their stories about their Dad’s antics – his humor was undeniable. They have found healing in acknowledging each other’s pain – knowing that although they may have lost the “same Dad” they recognize and respect that each journey of grieving is singular – unique. I am proud beyond words of these incredible human beings of character and fortitude. Their kindness and grace under fire is something to behold – they are my children and I am blessed. They are David’s living legacy of courage and hope, of faith; that each day held the possibility of new opportunities – each day was a brand new beginning.

Our Family Gathering Table ~ it was there that we learned to communicate as a family, where my children found their own voice to express their opinions, share their views and gain perspective. We learned the value of each voice represented – learned the importance of laughter, we learned to listen to one another – sometimes what only our hearts could hear. We were always sure to find comfort – the love and luce kidssupport of a family. Nothing was off limits if it made it to the “gathering” – we agreed to disagree quite often and especially as the kids got older but there was always respect for the truth – we found courage and encouragement. We sought forgiveness – and said “I’m sorry”, we found understanding and learned to be tolerant and patient. We found resolve in those difficult decisions of life … we still assemble – maintaining continuity with our Sunday dinners. We still gather and share our ideas, our hopes – disappointments, our memories – and our laughter.

 … always behind the façade is a sadness that is hidden away. A loneliness for him – his company. It’s a rare find in life when you discover people who are truly loving and supportive, so let me say how very grateful I am to those who have accompanied me on this journey – my unexpected journey.