… a look back to all that has been learned in this Unexpected [unwanted] Journey. I have been a widow for 34 months – I have grieved not only the death of my husband but also friends and even family who have chosen to exit my life. But healing comes when we seek to understand and I’ve learned that people are only able to give from the capacity of their heart. The freedom comes from forgiveness and gives us the space both in our hearts and our lives to make room for new relationships.
I have discovered that I am stronger then I thought – I have lived through the unimaginable.
My relationship with God has grown deeper, more personal – HE WAS the “first responder” on the night of David’s death and every day since that fateful evening He has whispered truth and calm into the confusion and my frustration, hope when I have been discouraged, healing to my brokenness, forgiveness and peace in my moments of anger and resentment. And I have found comfort and rest in His Grace – His lovingkindness. David’s sudden death forced me into a new reality that quite honestly I was completely unprepared for both emotionally and financially but I would choose not to become a victim of my circumstances and God has honored my prayer in His faithfulness – I am learning to lead with gratitude.
I have learned the most valuable lesson – that while our lives can sometimes be marked by endings it doesn’t have to be the end of who we are or what we can become. Clearly I will always be defined by David’s death – for the remainder of my life but I’ve determined that living a full life despite his death is my living legacy of him and the story of our life together – our history. For the life he embraced and all that he loved I choose those things …
and for all of my life everything good will always be tempered by the bittersweet of David’s absence. But I can look ahead to Grandchildren these days and eagerly anticipate how they will change me and my life as well – one day. Time is not a healer but it does give us the opportunity to decide and learn how to integrate our loss into our life.“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice” – T.S. Eliot
As January steadily approaches the starting gate once again I have a renewed perspective and a deeper resolve for the New year.